‘Gilmore Girls’ 3 Times Paris Geller Was the Queen of Sarcasm

Paris Geller first appeared on Gilmore Girls as Rory Gilmore’s foe. Over the year, Paris and Rory managed to become friends, even best friends, one could say. Rory and Paris’ deepened relationship gave fans of the series more opportunities to see Paris in action. A bit abrasive but quick-witted, Paris Geller’s sarcastic remarks and comebacks were a highlight of the show. We’ve picked out three of her very best. 

Inane questions never amused Paris Geller 

Paris Geller’s sarcastic remarks were often aimed at people she thought were ditzy. Even at Yale, an Ivy League school, Paris found people she thought weren’t nearly as smart as her. She had no problem telling them that. 

In one classic Paris moment, a fellow student asked if it was raining outside after Paris walked in the door soaked from a downpour. The absurd question pushed an already tense Paris over the edge. She replied, “No, it’s national Baptism Day. Tie your tubes, idiot.” While Paris Geller’s sarcastic remark is funny, the look on the fellow student’s face makes the entire scene. 

Paris Geller’s sarcastic remarks were often aimed at her friends 

Paris didn’t save her sarcastic remarks for people loosely connected to her. She had no problem telling her friends exactly what she thought about them, often in a scathing way. Even as an angsty and often-insecure teenager, Paris’ was brutal with her retorts. Louise and Madeline were often in her crosshairs, but Rory was her most common target. 

When both Rory and Paris were tapped to become Puffs, a secret society at Chilton, nothing was going to stop Paris from following through with the initiation. Rory’s level-headed approach to the possible ramifications of breaking into Headmaster Charleston’s office seemed to grate on Paris. In an intense moment, she said, ” Well, how nice it must be to be you. Maybe someday I’ll stumble into a Disney movie and suddenly be transported into your body, and after living there awhile, I’ll finally realize the beauty of myself. But until that moment, I’m going to go in there, and I’m going to become a Puff.” 

When all was said and done, the Puffs got caught by the headmaster, and their parents were called. The society was never mentioned again, although its leader, Francie Jarvis, did factor into later storylines. We never did find out if Rory and Paris were puffed. 

Paris Geller had a witty retort even after her boyfriend died 

Asher Fleming was incredibly important to Paris; despite their marked age difference. His death at the start of season 5 of Gilmore Girls rocked Paris to her core. Still, the ever witty Paris offered a sarcastic retort when Rory delicately asked if Asher had died doing the deed. 

Paris might have been upset, but she didn’t miss a beat, telling Rory, “This great man was not brought down by my vagina.” Paris mentioned Asher’s death multiple times during season 5. Once she found love with Doyle McMaster, she stopped talking about him. Still, Asher’s death was the catalyst for one of Paris’ most sarcastic remarks.