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Jennifer Lopez said that while her romantic partners have all been very different people, she has made similar mistakes with all of them. Lopez, who is reportedly headed toward divorce with Ben Affleck, said she frequently made mistakes in relationships. While she didn’t blame herself entirely when relationships fell apart, she said she ran into the same problem almost every time. She shared how she learned to fix it.

Jennifer Lopez said she often made a mistake with her romantic partners

While she was still married to Marc Anthony, Lopez discussed her previous relationships in a conversation with Vanity Fair. She admitted that in her previous relationships with people like Affleck and Sean “Diddy” Combs, she wasn’t yet in touch enough with herself.

“I wasn’t in touch with who I was, what I wanted, what I deserved, what I needed,” she said. “It was more about the other person for me, and that’s where I made my mistakes. It wasn’t even their fault; it was me. I needed to get to where I could say I know what I want, I know what I need, I can’t let you do this, I can’t let this happen, I can’t let that happen.”

Jennifer Lopez posing in a dress at the 'Atlas' Mexico City Fan Event.
Jennifer Lopez | Adrián Monroy/Getty Images

After this discovery, Lopez said she learned to put herself first. She no longer wanted to put up with relationships that didn’t suit her.

“Even when I felt bad about myself, I always tried to keep in my mind — I’m worth more than this, I’m better than this, I’m doing something that’s not right for myself,” she said. “You deserve better, all the things you have to tell yourself to get through a tough time.”

Jennifer Lopez said she learned to prioritize her needs over the needs of her partners

Lopez came to the realization that she needed to work on her relationship with herself. This was more important to her than any romantic partnership. 

“When it comes to love and relationships, what I’ve learned now is that the most important relationship is with myself,” she said. “And it took me a long time to get to that place. But I finally feel that I understand that.”

She didn’t want to be in a relationship until she felt more in touch with who she was and what she wanted.

“It wasn’t anyone else’s fault, but I couldn’t be right in any relationship until I got more in touch with who I was, and what I needed and what I wanted,” she said. “And getting to that place for me has been the real journey, the real task, where I realize that the main relationship I needed to have and the real love had to be with myself.”

How many times has Jennifer Lopez been married?

Shortly after making these comments to Vanity Fair, Lopez announced that she was ending her marriage to Anthony. He was her third husband and her longest marriage. 

In 1997, Lopez married actor and producer Ojai Noa. Less than a year later, they divorced. 

Jennifer Lopez wears a brown dress with black elbow length gloves. She has one hand on her hip.
Jennifer Lopez | Stephane Cardinale – Corbis/Corbis via Getty Images
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Alex Rodriguez Recalled a Time When He Felt Awestruck by Jennifer Lopez’s Work Ethic

In 2001, Lopez married dancer Cris Judd after meeting him on the set of her “Love Don’t Cost a Thing” video. It was another short marriage for Lopez. The couple separated in 2002 and finalized their divorce by 2003. She became engaged to Affleck during this time.

After her split from Anthony, Lopez became engaged to Alex Rodriguez, but they never married. Not long after they ended their engagement, Lopez became involved with Affleck again. The couple married in 2022.