Joanna Gaines Found ‘the Root Insecurity of Perfectionism’ While Writing ‘The Stories We Tell’
According to Joanna Gaines, she once was a perfectionist who needed to be in control. But in writing her new book and first solo memoir, The Stories We Tell, she discovered “the root insecurity of [her] perfectionism” was trying to prove herself as adequate, even though she wasn’t sure who she was trying to impress.
Joanna shared that completing her memoir helped her reclaim parts of herself. And in the book, she included a message for others, especially her daughters, about finding and holding to self-love and acceptance before the world has its say.
Joanna Gaines opened up about developing anxiety in ‘The Stories We Tell’
In The Stories We Tell, Joanna shared that she started to slow down in some ways after 20 years of “moving too fast” to address “insecurities and unhealthy habits.”
“It’s hard to explain how I was feeling,” she wrote. “I was grateful beyond measure, but exhausted. Loved, but feeling unworthy. Full, but running on empty.”
Everything in her life was still moving, but she wasn’t sure where it was heading. She noted, “I could also sense that I was nearing a bend in the road.”
Her oldest son, Drake, was “touring colleges at the same time [she] was touring preschools” for her youngest, Crew. “Lately, life had felt like a twisted game of tug-of-war — not knowing what I should let go of and what I should hold tight to,” she explained.
She added that she was losing inspiration and started experiencing anxiety for the first time. She revealed, “Some of the ways I’d gotten here, some of the qualities I’d always relied on — like being really productive, superefficient, always running at high capacity — were beginning to turn on me.”
How Joanna Gaines addressed the ‘root insecurity’ of her perfectionism
During the annual Magnolia Silobration in Waco, Texas, Joanna and Chip talked about The Stories We Tell and how writing it helped her realize that something needed more focus. She’d stopped asking herself, “What am I believing today about myself that isn’t true?”
“I wasn’t ever perfect,” she noted, “but … striving for perfection.”
Joanna said as she revisited her own story and zeroed in on that desire to avoid feeling inadequate, she asked, “What is the root insecurity of perfectionism?”
“It’s the idea that I have to prove to somebody that I am enough,” she answered. “So, I used to pretend that perfectionism was my personality, and I’m a micromanager, and I’m all the things — that’s just who I am.”
The mom of five kids explained that as she “really wrestled with it,” she realized, “Oh, I still have these things in me that I’m believing … Who am I trying to prove [myself] to or even perform for?”
Reformed perfectionist Joanna Gaines said there’s a message for her daughters in ‘The Stories We Tell’
While talking to Hoda Kotb on Today, Joanna said writing the book helped her move beyond insecurity and stop her strive for perfectionism. And she said there’s a message for others, specifically her teenage daughters, Ella and Emmie Kay, in The Stories We Tell.
“Get there sooner than I did because I want them to really know their value and their worth,” she explained. “Don’t let the world say otherwise.”
She later noted that “a lot” of the book was written for them, but completing it also allowed her to focus on a new “season” of her life. She feels the first “half” has been “great,” but added, “Now I want to really be intentional about what I carry with me as I move forward.”
