5 Led Zeppelin Songs That Are Just Awful
Led Zeppelin almost always hit the right notes during their career. Fans loved the band’s music almost immediately, and it didn’t take singer Robert Plant to realize the band might be something special. They successfully played heavy blues tunes and softer songs with equal skill, but Led Zeppelin wrote some truly awful songs, too (presented chronologically).
1. ‘The Crunge’
We noticeably skip over the first five Led Zeppelin albums and race straight to Houses of the Holy. The otherwise strong record includes “The Crunge.” What is supposed to be a salute to James Brown shows Led Zeppelin failing in their attempt to copy The Godfather of Soul.
The song has a promising start. John Bonham flashes his drumming chops with a beat that falls somewhere between R&B and his jazz influences. John Paul Jones lays down a funky bass line that suits a James Brown tribute.
But “The Crunge” falls apart when Jones’ synth line enters about a minute into the song. The mix pushes his synth to the forefront, covering up Plant’s nonsensical but vaguely James Brown-ish lyrical turn and Jimmy Page’s unspectacular guitar work. Page throws in a sliding, squealing guitar lick on top of his funk-inspired scratch toward the end of the song. That squealing lick, Jones’ blaring synth line, and Plant’s tossed-off lyrics about “finding the bridge” push Bonham’s beat and the funky bass riff to the side.
Sure Led Zeppelin found the bridge — and pushed “The Crunge” off it.
2. ‘Sick Again’
Page’s chugging guitar and Bonham’s cymbal-heavy fill leading into the guitar solo make “Sick Again” a musically memorable tune. Unfortunately, Plant’s cringe lyrics make it a genuinely awful Led Zeppelin song.
Social norms were slightly different in the 1970s. That doesn’t change the fact that hearing lines like “Said you dug me since you were thirteen,” and “Baby I gotta tell you, I’m the one you want / And everybody know I’m the one you need, yeah / Oh, give it to me / Come on now” any less disgusting.
Plant once said he wrote the lyrics because he felt sorry for Led Zeppelin’s underage groupies. Whether or not he bedded any teenage fans, the lyrics to “Sick Again” make it an uncomfortable listen.
3. ‘Royal Orleans’
The song from 1976’s Presence is Plant ribbing Jones about a memorable night in New Orleans. The short story: Jones brought a drag queen friend back to his hotel room, and the joint they smoked set it on fire.
Yet Plant’s lyrics lean toward the homophobic end of the spectrum. He repeats the word “Whiskers” multiple times. From there, he seemingly becomes more critical of fraternizing with cross-dressers with lyrics like “When I step out / Strut down with my sugar / She’d best not talk like Barry White.”
The raw, unabashed homophobia makes “Royal Orleans” an awful Led Zeppelin song. The saving grace is that it lasts only three minutes.
4. ‘Hot Dog’
Led Zeppelin’s slice of roadhouse rockabilly showcases one of the only times they tried this style on record. The other was “Candy Store Rock” from Presence. But this In Through the Out Door track doesn’t hit quite the same way.
Page’s sloppy guitar lick and so-so country-tinged solo don’t land. It could be purposely sloppy, but it sounds out of place after a decade of Page’s more of less precise playing on Led Zeppelin’s albums. Jones’ piano riff provides an immediate hook, but it goes away when Plant enters the song.
Considering the band successfully played other styles (folk, blues, even Middle Eastern), seeing Led Zeppelin carelessly enter the rockabilly fray makes “Hot Dog” one of their worst songs.
5. ‘Darlene’
It took a collective effort to make the final song on our awful Led Zeppelin songs list.
Plant’s lyrical come-ons and inability to actually pronounce Darlene properly (it sounds like Darwooey) sink the song. Page’s guitar riff and bland solo be his most uninspired playing in Led Zeppelin. Bonham maintains a steady beat but does little else (save for a memorable fill). Jones almost saves the song with his piano solo, but even he seems to give up midway through it.
“Darlene” came to light on the posthumous Coda album in 1982. The fact it couldn’t make the cut for In Through the Out Door says everything you need to know about how Led Zeppelin felt about this song.
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