Mariska Hargitay Didn’t Grieve Her Mother’s Passing Until Her Mid-20s
Law & Order star Mariska Hargitay lost her mother Jayne Mansfield in a car accident when she was just three-years-old. But it wasn’t until much later on in life that she started truly processing her grief.
How Mariska Hargitay learned she was grieving her mother at a later age
It took some time for Hargitay to learn how to properly deal with the loss of her mother. It wasn’t an overnight process, and required trial and error for the actor to address her feelings.
“The way I’ve lived with loss is to lean into it,” Hargitay once told People. “As the saying goes, the only way out is through. In my life, certainly I’ve tried to avoid pain, loss, feeling things. But I’ve learned instead to really lean into it, because sooner or later you have to pay the piper.”
Hargitay would eventually turn to therapy for help, which helped her handle her loss in a healthy way.
“I think it saved my life,” Hargitay told CBS News about therapy. “Trauma freezes us. And I think people don’t fully understand how powerful it is.”
What might’ve been a bit of a surprise, was that Hargitay realized she hadn’t moved past her mother’s death the way she thought.
“I started to grieve my mother’s passing in my mid-20s, like it had happened yesterday. And I went, ‘Oh, okay, so this is still in there.’ And then as I got in therapy, I just kept getting stronger and investing in myself in a new way,” she said.
Nowadays, however, she’s in a much better place, reaping the rewards of her therapy and a newfound clarity.
“I’m not saying it’s easy, and it certainly hasn’t been for me,” she said. “There’s been a lot of darkness. But on the other side things can be so bright.”
Mariska Hargitay used to find her mother’s name to be a burden
Hargitay’s mother, Jayne Mansfield, was a popular actor herself in the 1950s and 60s. Hargitay would go on to follow in her late mother’s footsteps. But initially, being the daughter of a star like Mansfield presented more challenges for the actor, who wanted to make a name for herself.
“In some ways, being the daughter of a Hollywood icon has been a burden. I used to hate constant references to my mom because I wanted to be known for myself. Losing my mother at such a young age is the scar of my soul,” Hargitay once told Closer.
What made Hargitay feel closer to her mom wasn’t her acting career, however. It was motherhood. Hargitay currently shares three children with husband Peter Hermann, which she felt helped her identify with Mansfield more.
“Being a wife and mother is my life, and that gives me the most joy. I understand [my mother] in a new way that gives me peace. Now I understand the love she had in her, and it makes me feel closer to her,” Hargitay said.
Although she spent little time with Mansfield, Hargitay got to know her mother more over the years. The SVU star was proud to learn there was more to Mansfield than just being an actor.
“My mother was this amazing, beautiful, glamorous sex symbol — but people didn’t know that she played the violin and had a 160 IQ and had five kids and loved dogs,” she said. “She was just so ahead of her time. She was an inspiration, she had this appetite for life, and I think I share that with her.”
She also once received some very encouraging words that further helped her bond with her mother.
“Someone once said about [remembering] my mother: ‘All you have to do is look in the mirror,’ ” she recalled. “She’s with me still.”
