Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs Said He Was ‘so Ready to Die’ After Biggie’s Murder

Sean “Diddy” Combs was with the Notorious B.I.G. — or Biggie — when he died. He said it took him time to accept the murder. When he did, he said he felt ready to die himself. He explained the feeling he had after Biggie’s death.

Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs’ said Biggie’s death was hard on him

In 1997, Diddy and Biggie left a party in separate cars. At a light, a car pulled up next to Biggie’s car and fired multiple bullets into the car. He was pronounced dead after arriving at the hospital. The next day, Diddy left Los Angeles.

“So then I’m about to get on a plane. And as I’m seeing the plane pull up, that’s when I just break down,” he told Rolling Stone in 1997. “I’m about to leave L.A. without my man, you know what I’m saying? He’s getting left here — he’s at the morgue, just laying there. That s*** was just so f***ed up to me. I’m getting on a plane. My man is in a morgue, all f***ed up.”

He said that for a time, he wished he had died instead.

“Oh, I was down,” he said. “I was so ready to die. It’s not like suicidal s***. It just be like wishing you was dead instead of him.”

Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs shared how he dealt with Biggie’s death

Though this was a difficult time, Diddy said he looked to Biggie’s mother to move forward.

“I kept praying. And I saw the strength of Biggie’s mother,” he said. “If she ain’t going to give up, if she ain’t jumping off no bridges — she’s having to get up and go to work still, take care of the kids — I’ve got to get myself together.”

Diddy said he still was in denial.

“Still, in order to keep my sanity, it’s like I don’t be living in a reality that he’s gone,” he said. “I be trying to block that out. Maybe I need a psychologist or something. I mean, I’ve cried a lot, and I deal with it, but it’s like the pain don’t get less. So that’s why I be running from the reality.”

Voletta Wallace wishes she could hit Diddy

Diddy looked to Biggie’s mother, Voletta Wallace, as a pillar of strength after the rapper’s death. They had a solid relationship for years, but she now wants nothing to do with him following allegations of sexual assault and physical against him by his former girlfriend, Cassie Ventura.

“I’m sick to my stomach,” Wallace told Rolling Stone, adding, “I’m praying for Cassie. I’m praying for his mother. I don’t want to believe the things that I’ve heard, but I’ve seen [the hotel video]. I pray that he apologizes to her.”

She said if she saw him, she’d hit him.

“I hope that I see Sean one day and the only thing I want to do is slap the daylights out of him. And you can quote me on that,” she said. “Because I liked him. I didn’t want to believe all the awful things, but I’m so ashamed and embarrassed.”