‘Sex and the City’: In Defense of Mr. Big

Twenty-five years ago, Mr. Big was introduced to Sex and the City viewers. Almost 20 years ago, he followed Carrie Bradshaw to Paris and won her back. It has been nearly 15 years since the duo married in a subdued courthouse ceremony after their planned wedding never happened and more than a year since viewers watched the mysterious financier die of a heart attack in the apartment he shared with Carrie. While Carrie insisted that they had been happier than ever when Mr. Big died, not all Sex and the City fans are convinced he was a good fit for the free-spirited sex columnist. In fact, some fans downright hate him. While Mr. Big did many things wrong, we must defend the character. 

Mr. Big was always honest about who he was

While some Sex and the City fans despise Mr. Big for how he seemed to string Carrie Bradshaw along for years, we aren’t entirely sure he ever really strung her along. Sure, Mr. Big wasn’t willing to give Carrie what she wanted, but he never really lied about it. Mr. Big didn’t promise her things, only to renege later. 

Instead, he was clear about the type of relationship he was looking for. Mr. Big explained why he was reluctant to give her a house key early in their relationship. He made his needs known before his move to Paris, and he was clear about his emotions during their affair. He was honest and open even when he returned from California to win Carrie over again. Carrie’s refusal to accept what Big told her each time they had relationship issues spoke more to Carrie’s issues than Mr. Big’s shortcomings. 

‘Sex and the City’ fans really hate Mr. Big for leaving Carrie Bradshaw at the altar 

While Carrie and Mr. Big end up married eventually, there are some Sex and the City fans who simply can not forgive Mr. Big for leaving Carrie at the altar. While we agree that Mr. Big’s wedding day behavior was less-than-ideal, he technically didn’t leave her at the altar. At the very least, he didn’t plan to leave her standing there forever. 

Mr. Big had commitment issues but seemed resolute in his desire to marry Carrie. He only started to lose his nerve when he realized the wedding had become a massive event. Then, Miranda Hobbes pushed him over the edge when she questioned his sanity. Mr. Big never doubted his feelings for Carrie; rather, he doubted how a third marriage would look to the outside world and whether he could do right by his love. 

He did leave the wedding venue but had every intention of returning. Carrie just happened to depart before he managed to get back to her. While we would consider leaving someone at the altar absolutely unforgivable, Mr. Big gets a pass. Humiliating Carrie wasn’t ultimately his intention; he just let an intrusive thought take over. 

Mr. Big could be indecisive and cold toward Carrie. He wasn’t the only one who was problematic in the relationship, though. She was pushy and prone to emotional outbursts. Still, we never doubted that Carrie felt deeply for Mr. Big. We shouldn’t question Mr. Big’s feelings either. Overall, he came around and offered Carrie the life she really wanted. We can’t hate on him for that reason alone.