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Even Matthew Modine finds himself disgusted with his Stranger Things character, Martin Brenner. Known to his test subjects as “Papa,” Dr. Brenner was responsible for starting the unethical program at Hawkins Lab that gave psychokinetic powers to young children. While Modine felt excited to reunite with Millie Bobby Brown’s Eleven in season 4 and return to Hawkins Lab, he almost couldn’t stomach the task of playing Brenner. Here’s why.

[Spoiler alert: The following story contains spoilers for Stranger Things 4.]

Matthew Modine as Dr Brenner in Stranger Things 4
Matthew Modine as Dr. Martin Brenner in ‘Stranger Things 4’ | Tina Rowden/Netflix

Matthew Modine’s Dr. Martin Brenner returned to ‘Stranger Things’ in season 4

Stranger Things Season 1 detailed Brenner’s aggressive one-on-one training with Eleven to strengthen her powers. Additionally, it showed how Eleven came to join the program, which included Brenner killing her mother, Terry Ives (Aimee Mullins). He served as a main villain in the first season, but was presumed dead after a Demogorgon attacked him in the finale.

Brenner continued to appear in some flashbacks in season 2, and rumors suggested that he was still alive and in hiding. However, he didn’t return to Stranger Things until season 4.

In the new season, Brenner teamed up with Dr. Sam Owens (Paul Reiser) to run a secret lab in Nevada, called The Nina Project. They created the lab with the intention of helping Eleven restore her powers. To do so, Owens and Brenner had Eleven subconsciously return to Hawkins Lab in 1979 — the year of the Hawkins Lab Massacre.

Eventually, Eleven learned the truth about the massacre — Henry Creel/One/Vecna (Jamie Campbell Bower) was responsible, not her, and Brenner had a hand in creating the monster. She wanted to return to Hawkins to help her friends fight Vecna, but Brenner refused to let her. He sedated Eleven and put her in a shock collar until a military attack forced them out of the building. Dr. Brenner was shot through the chest while trying to evacuate Eleven and died in the Nevada desert.

Mathew Modine never wants to play ‘someone like Dr. Brenner’ again

Many fans have debated Brenner’s morals since season 1 because he genuinely thought he was doing the right thing. He also cared for the Hawkins Labs kids, despite the twisted way he treated them.

Matthew Modine has carried Brenner’s moral dilemma with him on a personal level for years, as he recently told Men’s Health. He revealed that playing Brenner has sometimes made him physically ill.

“It made me sick to my stomach, especially during the scene when I tortured him for having harmed Eleven. It was very upsetting,” Modine said. “I have a hard time separating, and I don’t like it.”

Modine added that he often spent time after filming just trying to get Dr. Brenner’s evil qualities out of his head and truly separate himself from the sickening character. And because of that, he never wants to play a character like Brenner again.

“Your body doesn’t know it’s acting. Even though I’m memorizing lines and I understand the physical aspects of acting, you put your body through whatever that character is going through,” he explained. “It can be very destructive to your body. I don’t ever want to get in the skin of someone like Dr. Brenner again.”

Is Dr. Brenner really dead on ‘Stranger Things’?

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‘Stranger Things’ Season 4: The Duffer Brothers Confirm a Beloved Character Is Officially Dead

But is Modine really finished with Brenner’s skin? Unlike season 1, viewers saw Brenner’s dead body in season 4. His return seems unlikely, and yet, Modine isn’t so sure. He told Men’s Health that he has no idea what the Duffer brothers have planned for season 5, the final installment.

“The Duffer brothers were asked that question and said, ‘Brenner is no longer with us.’ Does that mean he’s dead? I don’t know,” Modine shared.

Still, Modine finds it “fascinating” that Brenner survived Henry’s massacre and a Demogorgon attack and even Eleven couldn’t stop him. Is there more to the character than we know?

“That’s fascinating to me because now I believe Brenner starts to enter into the realm of the supernatural, or perhaps he’s 000,” the actor added. “But this is only existing in my imagination. The Duffers are very secretive about what they’re doing, and I respect that.”

Stranger Things 4 is now streaming on Netflix.