Why Will Smith Once Said It Was a ‘Fantasy Illusion’ That He and Jada Pinkett Smith Could Make Each Other Happy
Following the 94th Annual Academy Awards, Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith are in the limelight. And many are wondering about their long-lasting marriage. The couple has been through a lot together, and they’ve both been vocal about the obstacles they’ve had to overcome. Will once admitted that one of those hurdles involved realizing they couldn’t make one another happy — at least, not without making themselves happy first.
Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith are married almost 25 years
Will and Jada Pinkett Smith have been married for a whopping 25 years, with the couple meeting thanks to The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Jada initially auditioned to play Will’s girlfriend in the series. However, that never came to fruition. Instead, the pair kept in touch and later began dating in real life.
The couple officially tied the knot in December 1997, and they had their son Jaden Smith the following year. Will and Jada have had some rocky moments in their marriage in the time that followed. They even took a brief break from their relationship, something they opened up about during a Facebook talk show called Red Table Talk.
And Will addressed their separation during a conversation with Oprah Winfrey, revealing that he and his wife needed to rid themselves of one “illusion” before coming together again.
Will Smith said depending on each other for happiness was an ‘illusion’
During a November 2021 appearance on The Oprah Conversation, Will Smith reflected on his relationship with Jada Pinkett Smith and their separation. He wrote about the latter in his memoir, Will, and Oprah prompted him to elaborate on the situation.
Will told her that the pair never truly separated, but they needed to work on themselves individually before returning to their marriage. Specifically, he explained that they needed to rid themselves of the idea that they could find happiness in another person:
“We never actually officially separated, right? What happened was, we realized that it was a fantasy illusion that we could make each other happy. And we agreed that she had to make herself happy, and I had to make myself happy. And then we were going to present ourselves back to the relationship already happy versus demanding that the other person fill our empty cup.”
Oprah noted that everyone should enter a relationship with that mindset, rather than bringing their “broken self” into the dynamic.
“The problem is that, when you come like that, the cup actually has a hole in it,” Will added. “So, you pour all your good love in there and it spills out on the floor.”
Will Smith revealed he and Jada are ‘loving in freedom’
In his interview with Oprah, Will Smith also explained the meaning behind a phrase from his memoir: “loving in freedom.” The actor claims that he and Jada Pinkett Smith learned to embrace that during their separation. But what does it entail?
“The simple idea is, you love in freedom with everybody except your partner,” Smith explained. He went on to compare a romantic relationship to one between a parent and child or two friends. With the latter, you continue to love them, even if you’re apart for a period of time — and even if they don’t always meet your expectations.
Jada expressed a similar concept during one of her Red Table Talk conversations with Will (via Entertainment Tonight). After discussing their separation, she admitted, “We have really gotten to that new place of unconditional love.”
Clearly, Will and Jada are defying expectations about what a typical marriage looks like. Letting go of the “illusion” that they can give each other happiness seems to be working for them — as does addressing the more difficult periods of their journey.
