‘You’: Why Do All of Joe’s Girlfriends Look Like His Mom?
Joe has many creepy habits in the Netflix series, You, not the least of which is dating (read: stalking and killing) women who look like his mother.
Now, You Season 4, which premieres on February 9 on the streamer (just in time for Valentine’s Day, of course), looks to involve Joe (Penn Badgley) hiding out in Paris. We’re betting he packed all his mommy baggage for the trip. Here’s what we mean:
‘You’ Season 3: Joe was abandoned by his mom
Many suspected Joe’s mommy issues early in the series. Flashbacks throughout Seasons 2 and 3 reveal that Joe’s mom traumatized him at a young age. Always dating abusive men, Sandy worked as a sex worker and often left Joe to fend for himself (like when she deserted him at a grocery store for a date) or, worse, face the consequences of her actions in her stead.
After Joe takes matters into his own hands and kills his father, Sandy abandons him at a home for young boys. But You Season 3 reveals Joe never let go of the hope that his mother will return for him.
Joe eventually finds her — making his mother the first woman he ever stalked — living a squeaky-clean new life, complete with a stand-in version of himself, Joe’s younger half-brother, Jake.
The trauma doesn’t stop there. Joe confronts his mother, only to be abandoned again. His mother left him with the idea that, even though she loved him, sometimes “people have to start over.” This soul-crushing moment comes full circle in You Season 3 when Joe abandons his child, Henry.
‘You’ fans say Joe Goldberg’s girlfriends all look like his mom
In a fascinating theory, fans point out that Joe’s girlfriends in You all resemble his mother in various ways. Beginning in You Season 1, Beck (played by Elizabeth Lail) shares similar characteristics to Sandy (played by Magda Apanowicz). She has similar face shape, nose, and smile. Also, in Season 1, Candace (Ambyr Childers) has red hair like Joe’s mom and similar eyebrows.
You Season 2 introduces Love, who, like Beck, looks a lot like Joe’s mom. Played by Victoria Pedretti, Love has a similar face shape to Sandy and pillowy lips and ears that stick out just a little. Not to mention Beck and Love both have light-colored, soulful eyes like Sandy’s.
Then, in You Season 3, Joe falls for Marienne (played by Tati Gabrielle), who some fans say breaks Joe’s pattern. Others, however, see a similarity in her face shape and say she fits his type. Like Joe’s other girlfriends, Marienne is a girl next door: pretty, but in an understated way, just like his mom.
Noticing similarities between Joe’s mother and his girlfriends in the series, fans took to Reddit to discuss Joe’s psychology in You. “Does anyone notice how all of Joe’s ex’s [sic] looks similar to his mom?” one fan asks. “Does it root back to his abandonment issues? Opinions?” Another user replies, “Sigmund Freud is laughing in his grave.”
‘You’: Joe Goldberg’s trauma with his mother is a significant trait among real serial killers
The user who references psychologist Sigmund Freud is spot on. The link between sons and mothers is age-old. Many psychologists point to maternal influences (or lack thereof) as the motivation behind some of the world’s worst serial killers. (For example, Ranker has a terrifying list of serial killers suspected to be heavily influenced by their mothers).
Dr. Elizabeth Yardley, Director of Birmingham City University’s Center for Applied Criminology (via The Sun), points out serial killers often suffer at the hand of three types of mothers: the Anti-Mother, Uber Mother, or Passive Mother.
In You, Joe’s mother, Sandy, would likely be considered the first sort, the Anti-Mother. She is drawn to abusive partners and creates alternative value systems in their children.
While You Season 3 sees Joe abandon Henry much like Sandy abandoned Joe, one notable difference exists. Contrary to Sandy’s dumping Joe off at the home for boys, Joe leaves Henry with Dante and his husband, who (as viewers see in a flash forward) give Henry a loving home.
This turn encapsulates why viewers continue to be drawn to Joe (and why Netflix’s You is such a massive hit): Joe is a killer, but he is a killer we understand and sometimes even love. So, it seems Joe’s mother was right; sometimes, people do have to start over. Now, onto Paris!
